Saturday, 02 February 2008

• watching the old man at work.

  I'm a terrible husband, a terrible friend, and I desire my own ends continually.
  When my wife asks for my attention or when I'm tired I lash out at her as though she'd purposely hurt me. I build up hate against her in my heart so quickly. I can't be corrected without in my heart desiring to tell that person every detail that I personally find wrong with them...I'm a sinner and it's deep in my soul. Even with all my built up anger...something in me tugs at me to let go of that anger and another voice charges me that if I let my anger go... I've lost... or that it's too embarrassing to back down and say I was wrong.

  When, all along I know that it's an embarrassment to call myself a Christian, one who follows the Lord, and to don my anger like an old coat I can't seem to let go of. It's an embarrassment to act so hatefully.

  Yet, I know who my God is... though I cannot serve Him perfectly... or even very well.
  God knew that I would not be able to serve Him out of my own heart and gave me a way out of the justice that my wife deserves. God will have His justice....and if I am not walking with Christ...if I am not under the wing of Christ then the debt to be paid...is on my own head...and rightfully so.
  

  Praise God for the only rope out of the pit that my own sin has put me in.
  He made a way, His Son stood in my place, that I might abide with a God who is so holy, and so pure that sin cannot enter into his presence.
  

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