I can never decide whether or not this life is absolutely detestable or wonderful.
There's such good I see in the world and the moment it's been given time to crystalize, it's glamour is shattered.
The Lord has given us such a desire for what is good and we are cursed with such a desire to put that good to an end.
The love of an object unworthy of worship soon loses it's luster or if it doesn't we've made real lame excuses for why worshipping that thing doesn't give us satisfaction.

Christ should be the object of our affections, our worship, our love, our time, our interest, and devotion.
Why? Cause scripture tells us to?
Is Christ worthy of my worship? Can His life and words spoken so long ago hold my interest?
Does Jesus actually grant us a personal relationship with Him before death and before the judgement day?
All of the claims of Scripture I find to be true; but I am weary of a 2nd rate relationship with God.
He is my creator and the way He interacts with me is His choosing and so be it. He knows far better than I ever will.

Is God Himself restricted? No certainly not.
To me God has restricted His manifestations to Scripture for quite some time.
I've had answered prayers before, for small things and for vague large changes in my life.
God has truly changed me in ways I would have never seen coming.
I think to myself, "are my prayers self-manifestations?"
I shrink at the idea for fear that the Lord would loose His binding of my evil heart to show how easily on my own accord I would slip once again into grievous sin towards Him and my wife.
I've seen the evil in my heart and I fear for anyone whom God has given over to himself and those he loves.
I simply desire to see God move in my life. Though I know that usually comes through adversity.
I also desire to live a life of ease, but I believe God has other plans for me than I would have (thankfully).

Funny, I started this post in despair that I never see God in my life.
And as I write He kindly brings to mind all His full filling of prayers, and meeting me in a personal way during times of Scripture study and during worship at church.

neat....

stephen k.
(sporadic post i know)

On July the 27th 2008, a man walked into the local Unitarian Universalist Church (during a children's performance) and began to shoot men and women at random. He killed 2 people and injured 11 others. Thanks to (), who block the path of a shotgun blast, none of the children were injured.

In reflection... I'm not really surprised at someone walking into any public place and unleashing his own self-righteous judgement on people. Evils of all sort are hidden in the heart of man. Only by God's grace some are self-controlled and restrain them.

The thing that bothers me is the very thought, that if the man who sacrificially gave his life for those children and the sake of others was truly a follower of Universalist Unitarian beliefs the Bible makes no room for Him in heaven. I must believe his soul is currently incurring the judgement of God's righteous wrath...

and my heart sinks.

The aching thought that a man so boldly gave his life to save others, was at one moment doing the most loving thing a human can do (john 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.") and sadly, the next moment he will awaken in the next life in the torments of hell and at the last judgement will be subject to further punishment from God for the deeds done in the flesh Sadly, in the same breath I have to acknowledge his guilt before God; and that no good work of his could possible atone for his past sin (not one).

Certainly, I cannot tell you the state of His soul. May God have changed his heart to trust in Christ for His righteousness and to come to repentance before his death.

In my heart I have sympathy for him. I see him as loving and caring for others... and before man he did good, he did what was righteous

Ecclesiastes 7:20 "Certainly, there is no one so righteous on earth that he always does what is good and never sins."

What breaks my heart is that apart from Christ's righteousness, his good works are filthy rags and are displeasing to God.

Romans 8:7-8 "The sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

My soul is oppressed at the thought of their torment (those who are not in Christ) will receive. May God give me the wisdom and grace to follow his commandments and to rely on the cross of Christ for my righteousness. May the Holy Spirit give me illumination and understanding for the gravity of all sin and that it effect is certainly treason against the God who gave us life. May Christ intercede on my behave to the Father, to send the Spirit to ignite my soul for spreading the Gospel. I pray for a holy zeal for souls on behalf of God... I pray for God's almighty hand to use me as an instrument for the outpouring of His grace on the souls of many. To pluck them from the fire to grant them eternal life, I pray for your grace on them who do not know you O Lord.

I got to stay up real late and put together my wifey's birthday!

She woke up to:

 

and her adventure began:

 

I put clues with little presents around the house... and gave her a fun map with dotted lines and x's where all the treasures where. and the last one led her out side where she'd find some fine art on our porch . And another painted arrow to our mailbox where Indelible Grace's new CD. After that we went to Moz Liza at the West Town Mall and painted pottery that we get to pick up next week... after that we took off to Naple's and had a reserved seat in the special Blue Room, filled with wine bottles and love notes from couples before us.

probably the most fun I've had in a long while, giving up my time, money and sleep for someone other than myself...which doesn't happen to easily.
wooo for lil'D and Christ who bound us together.

 

    I didn't get to really have a father as I grew up...and in this is way I was short changed by my father that I've never really understood. Today I found a bit of what I was missing and understood that I had missed out on it.

    This is not to say "boo hoo" my daddy never loved me or a cry for pity, just a reflection of how we miss out when our father's are not present. When I was 10 my family broke up. My dad had been in a downward spiral since he decided to gamble to try and bring us out of debt. Needless to say it only put us further into debt. Maybe a year...two years later He was in adultery with a woman he worked with. My dad had lost his faith, his family and his respect. I don't hate him for it, but I now understand a bit more of how a father is a vital part of a family.

    I lacked leadership, a father to show me how to be a man as life and God requires of me. Despite what our culture would tell us-> women and men are exactly the same despite physiology. But the more I study the Word the more I realize that in reality there is a distinct difference in our roles and responsibilities

    I needed to learn to speak up, engage people with confidence, to love my wife sacrificially, to look for a wife centered in the Gospel and to keep my body pure for her.

    Though I learned a lot by trial, and of course my mother did all she could to raise me well, just as a mother can only be so much for me, there's something only a father help meld into a child's character, especially for young men.

    With that said, here is a link to a very insightful message from Al Mohler entitled "Being Men and Raising Men."

http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A1305-01-51

Without a godly father's guidance many of us have no real direction of how to be men in this world. At least it’s difficult learn that. I hope the link helps.

I spent most of my day in anger and just down... depressed really. I've been going through some problems with energy level... maybe it's a sugar problem or digestion problem - hyper/hypo glycemic or diabetes ...I dunno what it is.

 I just get reeeal tired reeeally often. My thoughts are clouded and I'm just drained of life. Though I can attribute a reason for acting this way... as my wife said,-> I'm really not just angry that I can't change how tired I am or how much energy I have, but that I'm also in effect angry at God for making me put up with it. I didn't want to admit it...but I was... silently angry because I didn't want to have to persevere. Instead I should look on how blessed I am... the house God has helped provide, the food I get to eat each day, and the opportunity to grow in suffering, and above all be thankful that God has given me salvation from my much deserved judgement... also for a discerning wife who can look past all my fluff and give me Godly advice...

It's humbling...and I don't like it at first, but I can see God's hand in it, and that makes it all worth it.

So, thankyou God.